Love #

There is so much Literature that deals with love because there are so many feelings and emotions involved. Love is instinctive, it is universal, bringing people together.

There is the day-in, day-out loneliness at the end of the day; the dark flat, the silent rooms. You may have plenty of people to do something with; but no one to do nothing with. For that you need a lover. Esther Rantzen

The essence of romantic love is a natural phenomenon that is designed to facilitate pair bonding for procreation and protection and nurturing of children.

Love is instinctive for us as we grow up, we develop an inner fantasy of being the sole object of our parents love. This gives us kind of inner worth and satisfaction. But it’s impossible for parents to ever love enough, to devote their undivided attention exclusively to one child. So the child turns to his fantasies. Our Inner images develop and when someone corresponds with your fantasies, we fall in love.

Romantic love is that it has its wellsprings in the chemistry of falling in love with a specific person who is valued for his/her unique qualities. The sexual attraction comes later.

Romantic love is a powerful love that can eclipse all other adult sexual relationships. It can result in expectations to experience fulfillment of the love in a romantic relationship in real life. Creating a barrier to allowing a social romantic relationship to develop is harmful. Passionate love is not a sign of vulnerability. The heart and soul are central to the experience of passionate romantic love. Repressing the sexual urge generally leads to deprivation, which can turn to perversion.

“Love is what we are born with. Fear is what we learn. The spiritual journey is the unlearning of fear and prejudices and the acceptance of love back in our hearts. To experience love in ourselves and others, is the meaning of life. Meaning does not lie in things. Meaning lies in us.” Marianne Williamson

If might is right, than love has no place in the world.

In ‘Romeo and Juliet" love was a thing that broke all barriers and became a monument, immortal even after Romeo and Juliet had died, but even death was better than not being loved and in death Romeo and Juliet found an undying love that we all seek.

The heart needs to be broken for it to open. Mark Wolynn

Ancient civilisations #

Lao Tzu #

He who defends with love
will be secure;
Heaven will save him, and
protect him with love.

By the accident of fortune a man
may rule the world for a time,
but by virtue of love he
may rule the world forever.

Kindness in words
creates confidence.
Kindness in thinking
creates profoundities
Kindness in feeling
creates love.

Cho Wen-Chun

Our love was pure as the snow on the mountains White as a moon between the clouds.

Medieval to Modern Love Poems #

We must remember that for the noble classes, marriage was a commercial contract to consolidate alliances and to provide male heirs. Romantic love was not in the considerations. Love might or might not eventuate.

Gentlemen were expected to have extra marital affairs, but women doing so was a blemish on his honour.

The following assortment of English Love poems, professing devoted love by an admirer in order to attract a lady’s attention, must be viewed in context of Courtly Love.

They are post Shakespeare. They either conform or mock Petrarchan approaches to wooing women.

Go, lovely Rose #

Edmund Waller 1606 - 1687

Tell her that wastes her time and me,
That now she knows,
When I resemble her to thee,
How sweet and fair she seems to be.
Tell her that’s young,
And shuns to have her graces spied,
That hadst thou sprung
In deserts where no men abide,
Thou must have uncommended died.
Small is the worth
Of beauty from the light retired:
Bid her come forth,
Suffer herself to be desired,
And not blush so to be admired.
Then die—that she
The common fate of all things rare*
May read in thee;
How small a part of time they share
That are so wondrous sweet and fair!* …

To Virgins to make much of Time #

ROBERT HERRICK 1591 - 1674

Gather ye rose-buds while ye may,
Old Time is still a-flying;
And this same flower that smiles today
Tomorrow will be dying.
The glorious lamp of heaven, the sun,
The higher he’s a-getting,
The sooner will his race be run,
And nearer he’s to setting.
That age is best which is the first,
When youth and blood are warmer;
But being spent, the worse, and worst
Times still succeed the former.
Then be not coy, but use your time,
And while ye may, go marry;
For having lost but once your prime,
You may forever tarry.

Both poems develop the Carpe Diem philosophy espoused by Horace, a Roman poet during the time of Julius and Augustus Caesar. They emphasise the brevity of life, imposing a more pagan view of courtship – sensual pleasure. “Carpe diem – seize the day – eat drink and be merry, for tomorrow we die"

Wife of Bath on Virginity #

Chaucher 1340 - 1400

And certes, if ther were no seed ysowe,
Virginitee, thanne wherof sholde it growe?

Her argument against virginity is clever, “if procreation stopped, where would virgins come from?

The Apostle Paul merely recommended virginity, he didn’t demand it.

Roman Vestal Virgins, selected from patrician families, between six and 10 years. They had to maintain their virginity while watching over the sacred flame, “considered to be pure and uncorrupted and so entrusted it to uncontaminated and undefiled bodies.“

The Vestals were icons of chastity, women revered and celebrated. But just as quickly as they were venerated, they could be brought back to Earth. Or in this case, buried in it.

After 30 years of service, the Vestal Virgins would be allowed to marry; considered a great privilege for any man.

Catholic Nuns originated from this practice.

The Moors in Spain demand of the Catholics, a tribute of 100 virgins a year.

The Hildegard Convent (12th Cent.), was a Benedictine monastery in the Rhineland region of western Germany.

A letter, from a woman named Tengswich, complains to Hildegard of Bingen about “strange and irregular practices” that have been observed:

“They say that on feast days your virgins stand in the church with unbound hair when singing the psalms and that as part of their dress they wear white, silk veils, so long that they touch the floor. Moreover, it is said that they wear crowns of gold filigree.”

Tengswich further comments that the convent excludes those of “lower birth and less wealth.” Hildegard, in reply, argues that whereas married women are wintry husks and comport themselves accordingly, virgins are like blooming flowers, representing the “unsullied purity of Paradise.”

Celibacy and virginity is a prized tenet of most religions. In his old age, King David is kept warm by a young virgin. The Church makes much of the Virgin Mary, even though she had at least 3 children.

Paul advised it, but conceded marriage was an option.

Pope Benedict XVI, called celibacy for priests “a sign of full devotion” to the Lord and repeatedly insisted it was here to stay.

Pope Francis has been less categorical, describing celibacy as a matter of tradition, rather than dogma. “It can change”.

By 1906, Gandhi had taken the Hindu vow of brahmacharya - chastity. At the age of 36, he was determined to be celibate.

Although he proclaimed his abstinence, he still managed to be extremely intimate with many of his women.

Disgusted by his innate lust, Gandhi would try to distance himself from the women - but he was soon sleeping next to them again - and, what’s more, blaming his surrender on them. ‘I could not bear the tears of Sushila,’.

He deliberately put himself into increasingly arousing situations to prove mind over matter.

He would often sleep next to naked nubile young women to test himself; each failure merely meant a renewed attempt was inevitable.

Upon Julia’s Clothes #

Whenas in silks my Julia goes,
Then, then (methinks) how sweetly flows
That liquefaction of her clothes.

Next, when I cast mine eyes, and see
That brave vibration each way free,
O how that glittering taketh me!

What is so attractive about the opposite sex is that it is so opposite. Each gender can get absolutely smitten by its other.

Freud claimed: “All human behaviour is ultimately motivated by sexuality.” He also he said, “We are never so defenceless against suffering as when we love.” Did he mean both genders?

The Trojan War was fought over women; both Helen and comfort women for the soldiers.

Hesiod warns his listeners:

“Men have been undone both by being trusting and by not being so. Let not a woman who dresses to show off her behind deceive your noos, cajoling you with her crafty words, ready to infest your granary".

“Eros unnerves the limbs and overcomes the mind and wise counsels of all gods and all men within them”.

Plato maintained “Love can light that beacon which a man must steer by when he sets out to live the better life.” Rather than physical or emotional, it is rational.

Hamlet accuses all women of affectations and cosmetic ruses to seduce men.

I have heard of your paintings too,well enough;
God has given you one face,
and you make yourselves another:
you jig, you amble, and you lisp,..

Yeats too ponders the duality of love:

But Love has pitched his mansion in
The place of excrement;

We have to learn to live with the animal instincts within us as well as the angelic aspirations.

The revered French actor Catherine Deneuve insisted that women were “sufficiently aware that the sexual urge is by its nature wild and aggressive".

Richard Lovelace, was a leading Cavalier poet, and an Englishman who supported, and fought for, King Charles I during the Civil War.

To Lucasta, Going to the Wars #

Richard Lovelace 1617 - 57

Tell me not (Sweet) I am unkind,
That from the nunnery
Of thy chaste breast and quiet mind
To war and arms I fly.
True, a new mistress now I chase,
The first foe in the field;
And with a stronger faith embrace
A sword, a horse, a shield.
Yet this inconstancy is such
As you too shall adore;
I could not love thee (Dear) so much,
Lov’d I not Honour more.

To Althea, from Prison #

When Love with unconfinèd wings
Hovers within my Gates,
And my divine Althea brings
To whisper at the Grates;
When I lie tangled in her hair,
And fettered to her eye,
The Birds that wanton in the Air,
Know no such Liberty.
When flowing Cups run swiftly round
With no allaying Thames,
Our careless heads with Roses bound,
Our hearts with Loyal Flames;
When thirsty grief in Wine we steep,
When Healths and draughts go free,
Fishes that tipple in the Deep
Know no such Liberty.

When (like committed linnets) I
With shriller throat shall sing
The sweetness, Mercy, Majesty,
And glories of my King;
When I shall voice aloud how good
He is, how Great should be,
Enlargèd Winds, that curl the Flood,
Know no such Liberty.
Stone Walls do not a Prison make,
Nor Iron bars a Cage;
Minds innocent and quiet take
That for an Hermitage.
If I have freedom in my Love,
And in my soul am free,
Angels alone that soar above,
Enjoy such Liberty.

Love’s Secret #

William Blake

Never seek to tell thy love,
Love that never told can be;
For the gentle wind does move
Silently, invisibly.

I told my love, I told my love,
I told her all my heart;
Trembling, cold, in ghastly fears,
Ah! she did depart!

Soon as she was gone from me,
A traveler came by,
Silently, invisibly
He took her with a sigh.

Toes #

He painted my toenails red.
Lieing in bed, my foot in his lap
Carefully applying polish to each nail
His face a mask of concentration
Trying to get it just right,
I had to laugh because he looked so intent.
He smiled and leaned over and kissed my knee.
‘Are you always going to paint my toes? ’
I had asked him and he just grinned and said.
‘Forever, Baby.’
Today I looked down and saw the polish
Was cracked and worn and coming off.
I remembered that promise he made
And couldn’t keep.
I set about removing the last of the polish
He had so carefully applied weeks ago.
I reached for the red polish,
But then put it away. Red was for him.
So I painted them pink instead,
My favorite color,
My toes again.

Sandra Brennan