Needs #

“Satisfaction is the greatest paradox of human life,” writes The Atlantic’s happiness columnist Arthur C. Brooks. No matter what we achieve or attain, our biology always leaves us wanting more.

As ENOBARBUS says of Cleopatra:

Age cannot wither her, nor custom stale Her infinite variety: other women cloy The appetites they feed: but she makes hungry Where most she satisfies.

Suffering is caused by attachment or desire; by controlling or eliminating both we achieve inner peace or nirvana.

Epicurus taught his followers how to be happy with less.

“He who understands the limits of life knows how easy it is to procure enough to remove the pain of want and make the whole of life complete and perfect, Hence he has no longer any need of things which are not to be won save by labour and conflict.”

Our basic physical needs are nothing more than that – a necessity to keep us alive. It is paradoxical that we often spend much more time, energy and money for things that we don’t need but simply want.

Leonard Cohen expresses this in

“Your debutante knows what you need; but I know what you want.”

Advertising realises this and makes the most of it by appealing to our false desires for respectability, status and position. In rich countries:

consumption consists of people spending money they don’t have to buy goods they don’t need to impress people they don’t like.

Greed is sexier than gratitude, competitiveness is better than cooperation. Power and money are what matter.

Mostly we live in a heightened state of insatiability, wanting what we can’t have, forgetting and discarding what we already have. Forgiveness and Other Acts of Love by Stephanie Dowrick

Many of our needs are physical or biological for survival while others are emotional, psychological or spiritual, however many again are not real needs, merely desires - vanity.

Maslow’s hierarchy of needs #

Named after its originator, the US psychologist Abraham Harold Maslow (1908-70) who proposed it in 1954. They are not necessarily scientific.

Five interdependent levels of basic human needs (motivators) that must be satisfied in a strict sequence starting with the lowest level.

Physiological #

• needs for survival (to stay alive and reproduce) and security (to feel safe) are the most fundamental and most pressing needs. Food, clothing, shelter.

Social #

• needs (for love and belonging) and self-esteem needs (to feel worthy, respected, and have status).

Personal #

• the highest level needs are self-actualization needs (self-fulfillment and achievement).

Its underlying theme is that human beings are ‘wanting’ beings: as they satisfy one need the next emerges on its own and demands satisfaction … and so on until the need for self-actualization that, by its very nature, cannot be fully satisfied and thus does not generate more needs.

This theory contends that once a need is satisfied, it stops being a motivator of human beings. In personnel management, it is used in design of incentive schemes. In marketing, it is used in design of promotional campaigns based on the perceived needs of a market segment a product satisfies.

Spiritual #

We all yearn for some meaning in life which can be a spiritual quest or thirst for understanding. T.S. Eliot called it: “O Light invisible we praise thee, too bright for mortal vision”. We have aspirations for higher things; a vision of worth, purpose and redemption.

Desiderata plural noun - things wanted or needed; the plural of desideratum.

Origin: Desiderata and the singular desideratum derive from the Latin verb dēsīderāre meaning “to long for, require.” - a desire to know.

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.

Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

by Max Ehrmann ©1927

The following words relate to our feelings for things. Match them below:

Yearnings, Yen, pinings, desires, wants, longings, cravings, needs, urges, inclinations, aspirations, languish, lust, wish, greed, covet, search, demands, motivations, pang, wrench, hanker….

We yearn for ………………………………………………………..

We pine for……………………………………………………………

We desire…………………………………………………………

We want…………………………………………………..

We long for……………………………………………………………..

We crave ………………………………………………………………

We need …………………………………………………………………

We have a yen for……………………………………………………………

We are greedy for ………………………………………………………………

We covet …………………………………………………………………

We have urges to …………………………………………………………………

We have aspirations to ………………………………………………………………

We lust for …………………………………………………………………

Suggest some of the synonyms for needs in the following sentences:

1. I ………………………………………………. you to come with me to the dentist.

2. We ……………………………………………. the basic staples for living.

3. Pregnant women often ……………… ……. special foods.

4. Pacifists ………………………………………. for world peace.

5. Lovers ……………………………………..……for unrequited loved ones.

6. Spiritualists ……………………………………..for personal tranquility.

7. We ………………………………………………luxury and opulence.

8. I have an …………………………………………to hit him over the head.

9. I ……………………………………………….….your car.

10. We ……………………………………….………to do great things.

Wants #

The Art of Character by David Corbett. The key to any relationship is to understand clearly what the other person wants. This is true whether that person is a spouse, an employee, a boss, or a friend. It is a task that is made more difficult by the fact that many people don’t truly understand what it is they want, or have many wants that contradict or compete with each other. But that difficulty does not lessen the importance of understanding those wants, both within yourself and within those people who are most important to you. It was the key insight of the founder of “method” acting, the great acting teacher Constantin Stanislavski (1863-1938), that in this same spirit, understanding a fictional character’s wants was the key to great acting and great dramatic writing:

“One of Constantin Stanislavski’s key innovations was recognizing the central role of desire in our depiction of the human condition. The fundamental truth to characterization, he asserted, is that characters want something, and the deeper the want, the more compelling the drama.

“Desire is the crucible that forges character because it intrinsically creates conflict. If we want nothing, then nothing stands in our way. This may lead to a life of monastic enlightenment – or habitual evasion – but it’s thin gruel for drama. By giving the character a deep-seated need or want, you automatically put her at odds with something or someone, for the world is not designed to gratify our desires.

“And a profound, unquenchable longing almost always forces us to do things we normally would never imagine ourselves doing – even things seemingly contradictory to our natures. When confronted with overwhelming obstacles of a kind we’ve never faced before in pursuit of something we cannot live without, we are forced to change, to adapt, to dig deeper into ourselves for some insight, passion, or strength that will give us the power we need to keep going.”

“In a sense, Stanislavski’s desire took the place of Aristotle’s telos (meaning an end or purpose). Where once man lived to fulfill his basic purpose, he now, in Stanislavski’s interpretation, lived to fulfill his most basic ambition, craving, or need.

“Peter Brooks put it somewhat differently in his book Reading for Plot, remarking that, in the absence of desires, stories remain stillborn. This reflects a simple truth: Desire puts a character in motion.

“There may be no more important question to ask of a character than: What does she want in this scene, in this chapter, in this story? Thinking more globally, one should ask what she wants from her life – has she achieved it? If not, why not? If so, what now?” The Art of Character David Corbett Penguin 2013 page(s): 51-52

Urges #

Manias have to start somewhere—with an irresistible urge, a sudden overwhelming feeling that absolutely, positively cannot be ignored no matter how hard you try. And, once you get the urge, it’s impossible not to do it.

As an old man put it:

“I still get the urge, but it’s just not as urgent”.

Cacoethes. Greek - “bad disposition.”

coprolalia, the urge to use obscene language

Echolalia seems to be a tactic irritatingly employed by politicians who don’t want to answer questions with substantive responses. Instead, they feel the urge to echo (or reiterate) the interviewer’s own words (as if saying something new and insightful). The result being: absolutely nothing.

Nymphomania & Satyriasis

Most everyone knows that nymphomania is the uncontrollable urge in women to have sex. Healthy urges are great, especially when it comes to pleasurable activities. But, in moderation people! Funny that nymphomania is so well known, while satyriasis—the uncontrollable urge in men to have sex—is hardly recognized.

Nymph means “bride” in Greek and a satyr was a goatlike man in Greek myth who loved to party and chase the nymphs. Since ancient times, nymphs and satyrs have been figuring out how to satisfy and control life’s lusty appetites, one nibble and bite at a time.

Trichotillomania. In Greek, thrix means “hair” and tillein “to pull.”

Trichotillomania is a medical condition first studied in the late 1800s. The urge to pull out one’s hair is a type of impulse-control disorder; such disorders are important to remember as we talk about urges.

Wanderlust—the burning desire to travel the world—has cast its glowing rays upon you.

Tarantism is the uncontrollable urge to dance.

Choreomania is actually “dance madness,”

Motives #

The art of choosing what to do with your life – Benjamin Storey and Jenna Silber Storey (The New York Times):

“For the number of final ends is not infinite. Aquinas usefully suggests that the ultimate objects of human longing can be sorted into only eight enduring categories. If we want to understand where we’re headed, we should ask ourselves these questions:

• am I interested in this opportunity because it leads to wealth?
• Or am I aiming at praise and admiration?
• Do I want enduring glory?
• Or power — to ‘make an impact’?
• Is my goal to maximise my pleasures?
• Do I seek health?
• Do I seek some ‘good of the soul’, such as knowledge or virtue?
• Or is my ultimate longing to come face to face with the divine?

Most students find, to their surprise, that they can locate their desires on this old map. This does not leave students feeling constrained, as they have often been led to fear. It leaves them feeling empowered, like wanderers suddenly recognising the orienting features of a landscape. Like any good map,

Aquinas’ reasoned analysis of the human goods can tell us something about where we’re going before we get there. We start down the path to wealth, for example, because it is a universal means to almost any end. But wealth cannot be the final goal of life, for it gives satisfaction only when traded for something else. Admiration signals that people think we’re doing something well. But it is conferred by the often errant judgment of others and can lead you astray.”

Reflective Tones are often needy: #

Sad, anguished, grieving, dejected, melancholic, mournful, plaintive, poignant

Despairing, gloomy, saturnine, resigned, pessimistic, cynical, distressed,

contemplative, pensive, reflective, pondering, reminiscent, nostalgic, introspective, intrinsic, ruminative, brooding, vexing, rapt, fugue-state, maudlin,

longing, yearning, craving, wistful, pining, needy, supplicating, pleading,

velleity: noun:

1. The lowest degree of desire; imperfect or incomplete volition.
2. A slight wish or inclination